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Little Red Riding Hood

Once upon a time there lived in a certain village a little country girl. She had a little red riding hood made for her. It suited the girl so extremely well that everybody called her Little Red Riding Hood.

She hit the road over dark wood visit her grandmother. As she was going through the wood at a time go out from bushes wolf driving bike and stand up her to the road.

“Hoy Little Red Riding Hood. I’ll rape you.”

“Do you have condom?” she asked him.

“For what? I don’t need that.”

“Indeed. So you can do it to yourself without my help. I refuse have sex with you ” she retorted.

” I won’t ask you” said wolf and jump upon her. He had no idea moron about her black belt in karate.She kicked him in the midst of legs, hit his snout with the fist and then she grab his neck and whip with him against ground. Wolf lay on the ground unconscious. She came to his bike and break it. Then she continued on her journey. After while she saw seven dwarfs searching something.

“What have you lost?” she asked them.

“Nothing” answer biggest dwarf “just prince came to our house and said he want to chat with snow-white in privacy, so she sent us look for some mushrooms for diner.

“I see” said Little Red Riding Hood. “So you left snow-white all alone in house with some prince? I bet they wanted get empty apartment.”

“Oh man” yelped one dwarf “he probably want to do something to her.”

“Let’s go home guys” order biggest one and dwarfs hurry headed to home.

Little Red Riding Hood reached grandmothers house. They sit in living room, and start chat about Days of our lives and about guys, over opened bottle of vine.

About one hour later wolf woke up. He took broken parts of his bike, crawled to his garage where he spent rest of the night welded his bike. When sunrise he get idea that front attack is not wise solution and he decide use back attack.

Couple of days later Little Red Riding Hood was again on the way to grandmother’s house because grandmother called, she was sick and needed some cough drops. This time Little Red Riding Hood made her prepared for danger and she wears heavy army boots and over her shoulder she carried shotgun. She was walking through forest and wolf surprise her because he raid to her on his fixed bike from back side. She fall on ground and drop her shotgun. In second she was back on her feet but wolf was faster and he stands between girl and weapon. Little girl didn’t hesitate. She run fast on him. She kick him so hard that he flew few yards and hit the tree. Slowly he fall down on ground and didn’t move anymore. She approached him and point shotgun to his head but when she saw his innocent face she decide to let him live and just shoot his bike. Few minutes later she met eight dwarfs.

“How come you are not just seven” she wonder.

“Not anymore” answer biggest dwarf. “You know, when last time we get home we caught prince red handed. He was very close to our snow-white”

“He means he was fucking her” interrupted one dwarf.

“Whatever” said first dwarf “so we start beat this bad prince and all end up he is now eighth dwarf.”

“I got it” said Little Red Riding Hood and get back on the road.

Three hours later wolf woke up, pick up his bike in million pieces and start welding it again in his garage and meanwile he was thinking about new plan. When sunlight came through windows and roosters were making some terrible noises in order to let everyone know new day is coming, wolf had new plan.

“I will go to grandmother’s house, eat her and then when Little Red Riding Hood will come I will pretend I am grandmother” So he jump on his bike, raid around forest and did what he planed.

When Little Red Riding Hood get into grandmother’s house she found old women in bed.

“Grandmother, what big ears you have” said little girl.

“So I can better hear you my child”

” A grandmother why you have as large teeth?” go on in interrogation.

” To didn’t have to dig only semolina pulp” respond grandmother

” A grandmother why you have so reds eyes?” wondered Red Riding Hood, when seen her red eyes.

” From welding you BITCH!!!” shout wolf, tear down grandmothers dressing gown and with opened mouth jump upon girl. However she was ready for anything and everything so she just put muzzle of the shotgun into his mouth and shoot off his head.